The city of Mumbai, widely anointed with temporal sobriquets such as the city which never sleeps, the city of dreams, and the city with an indomitable spirit, has held an allure, a mystique and a sense of inadequacy for the millions living away from this remarkable convergence of humanity. The denizens of small towns, villages and even other metros are invariably in awe of this monolith, and millions of its residents. I persistently held the city in an inexplicable reverence for years, visiting it as a kid, and even as an adult. My first few trips to the behemoth after I’d attained the age and the ability to discern and judge from my own perceptions only served to entrench this awe, largely because I was only a temporary visitor who did not have to go through the grind of the average mumbaikar. I was not made to go through the travesties which make this city what it is. I was like someone who enjoys the rare kicks afforded by a dabbler as against the dope fiend who just cannot survive without his daily fix, even though he’s long ceased to experience the high associated with it. My perceptions changed dramatically when I actually had to experience the city at its rawest. And gradually the aura began to fade, the inanity of the sobriquets started hitting me and the collective human monolith broke down to show its simplicity and pettiness.
Having gone through a particularly harrowing journey in the peak of summer through the burning hostile territory of our country, the vidarbha region, I was sapped of all energy and my only desire was to rest in a cool, hospitable bed. Waiting for a friend who was expected to pick me up from Kurla, I went into a slumber enervated and apprehensive about taking the city on all by myself. I was bluntly brought to life when I realized that someone was trying to pull my bag from under my arms. I turned around to find a frowning cop wielding his lathi, and thus began my initiation into the ways of the city. Phenomenally pleased with himself, the policeman started giving me a liturgy on how someone could rob your pants off without your knowledge in Mumbai. Drop-dead drowsy as I was, I still managed to notice a twinkle in his eyes, as though he was extolling some saintly virtues of his fellow city-mates. This was my first lesson, the average mumbaiah is proud of everything about the city, more so, about the sleaze prevalent therein. Anyway, I was summarily kicked out of the station, having been informed that this was not a place to sleep. I could not have agreed with him more, had I not seen at least a hundred more, with my limited range of vision, committing the same crime that very time in front of my eyes.
Having given up on my friends’ arrival, I took the cop’s advice and ventured into the frying pan, the first time on my own, feeling circumspect and drained like never before. I was not unprepared, though, I was aware of the approximate distance to my destination, as well as the fact that travelling in a local train was the best option. On enquiring about the local trains, I got a look which was a combination of condescension, exasperation, and ‘what a moron’, with the concise explanation that I had to go to kurla to catch a local. I was quite bewildered, being under the impression that I was already at Kurla. After guiltily pestering a few others, who were in a tremendous hurry and considered any obstruction in their furious tempo a sacrilege, I discovered that I had to go to another station, roughly 1 km away. While a few auto-drivers bluntly ignored my pleas to take me to the kurla station, a bystander, or rather, a by-racer; as noone actually stands in the always-in-a-hurry city, started giving me a lecture on how easy it was to walk one km. Ignoring his advise, I decided to take the road route.
Thus began another going-nowhere discussion with the autowallas about getting to lokhandvala. Meanwhile, a sikh driver, ostensibly moved by my plight, came up with a ‘helping hand’, snatching my luggage and dumping it in his cab without a moment’s notice. Though somewhat aware of the dent travelling in a cab would make in my wallet, I was too pooped to ignore my mind’s frantic pleas for a respite. The cabbie feigned complete ignorance about lokhandwala in andheri, which I’m sure every single resident of Mumbai would agree, was quite preposterous. After seemingly scouring the whole city for the elusive lokhandwala, the cabbie probably developed some sympathy for me. Following a two hour quest which I slept through, we finally arrived at the apparently obscure lokhandwala complex at andheri. Pretty much expecting a hefty amount, I paid up the taxi and finally reached my destination. Almost at the point of losing my bearings, I experienced unprecedented delight when I found a bed laid out for me in an air-conditioned room and what followed was a marathon 17 hour sleep to prepare myself for bigger challenges in the days to come.
27 November 2009
09 October 2009
elimination of the naxal threat
Around an year back, I had written a post about how the Chhattisgarh government’s tactics were serving to destroy the entire social structure of the Bastar tribes (http://resistancerebellionanddeath.blogspot.com/2008/08/do-read-this-and-think-youve-nothing-to.html). A year down the line, the very tactics, endorsed by the local media, the urban middle and upper class, and the central government, and conveniently ignored by the national media, have been adopted on a nationwide scale. A recent article in Tehelka, the only publication which regularly tries to communicate the tribal’s plight, has prompted me to express my views on this extremely significant, but again, largely ignored, move by the Indian government.
In the words of the home minister, P Chidambarm, a counter-insurgency militia has been deployed to wipe out the naxalites from India. As the Tehelka article pointed out, the biggest discrepancy in the state’s ‘elimination strategy’ is that the enemy in this military operation is unidentifiable. From the home ministers’ standpoint, it seems it’s the naxals. But who are the naxalites? The oxford and Webster dictionaries still don’t recognize the word, although the oxford dictionary does consider the words ghee, pakora, samosa, and tandoori significant enough to be included. Wikipedia offers a very one-dimensional labeling of the naxalites as a group of violent communists who have rejected parliamentary democracy and have vowed to rule the people by imposing dictatorship of their party.
The churlishness of these disinterested third-parties aside, who would the home minister term as a naxalite. A simplistic definition would be someone who subscribes to the naxalite/maoist ideology. But even the staunchest anti-naxalite would agree with the fact that most of those who have taken up arms to combat the state are from the most oppressed, disenfranchised and illiterate sections of the society. The so-called ideologues hardly ever get into the battle zone, nor do they subscribe to the mindless violence propagated by the cadre. On ground zero, the naxalite is in all likelihood unaware of the country to which mao belonged or the essential premise of his brand of communism. His/her revolution is limited to getting back at the entity whom he considers culpable for the miserable living conditions he and his fraternity have had to endure for decades. He does not have the discernment to segregate the state from the human beings which constitute it. In his restricted point of view, an inhuman attack on any individual from the government machinery is an act of retribution.
Quite obviously, this viewpoint is by no means justifiable. But then, why is the state resorting to the same warped rationale? Why is it conveniently turning individuals into groups to make its task of identifying the enemy easier? Shouldn’t there be a difference between the thought process of the democratically elected machinery and an illiterate rabble-rouser? From the actions initiated over the past few months, the difference has ceased to exist. Instead of eliminating the problems faced by individuals who constitute and comprise the state, the solution adopted is to eliminate the very individual who has a problem.
On a more elementary level, how does the state, represented by the militia, actually identify a naxalite (or a group, for that matter)? The simplest way out, and which has been in vogue for the past decade or so in states like chattisgarh is to dub anyone who is disgruntled as a threat. And from what the trends of the past few months depict, the threat is not to be kept behind bars anymore, it has to be liquidated.
The most juvenile idea behind the tactics being adopted, as propounded by P. Chidambaram is that the naxalites are a bigger threat than J&K terrorists. By that logic, if the government, even after adopting the most stringent military measures in the disputed state, has been unable to make any headway towards removing terrorism, how does it expect to tackle this ‘bigger threat’ within such a short time and with much a much lesser military force?
In the words of the home minister, P Chidambarm, a counter-insurgency militia has been deployed to wipe out the naxalites from India. As the Tehelka article pointed out, the biggest discrepancy in the state’s ‘elimination strategy’ is that the enemy in this military operation is unidentifiable. From the home ministers’ standpoint, it seems it’s the naxals. But who are the naxalites? The oxford and Webster dictionaries still don’t recognize the word, although the oxford dictionary does consider the words ghee, pakora, samosa, and tandoori significant enough to be included. Wikipedia offers a very one-dimensional labeling of the naxalites as a group of violent communists who have rejected parliamentary democracy and have vowed to rule the people by imposing dictatorship of their party.
The churlishness of these disinterested third-parties aside, who would the home minister term as a naxalite. A simplistic definition would be someone who subscribes to the naxalite/maoist ideology. But even the staunchest anti-naxalite would agree with the fact that most of those who have taken up arms to combat the state are from the most oppressed, disenfranchised and illiterate sections of the society. The so-called ideologues hardly ever get into the battle zone, nor do they subscribe to the mindless violence propagated by the cadre. On ground zero, the naxalite is in all likelihood unaware of the country to which mao belonged or the essential premise of his brand of communism. His/her revolution is limited to getting back at the entity whom he considers culpable for the miserable living conditions he and his fraternity have had to endure for decades. He does not have the discernment to segregate the state from the human beings which constitute it. In his restricted point of view, an inhuman attack on any individual from the government machinery is an act of retribution.
Quite obviously, this viewpoint is by no means justifiable. But then, why is the state resorting to the same warped rationale? Why is it conveniently turning individuals into groups to make its task of identifying the enemy easier? Shouldn’t there be a difference between the thought process of the democratically elected machinery and an illiterate rabble-rouser? From the actions initiated over the past few months, the difference has ceased to exist. Instead of eliminating the problems faced by individuals who constitute and comprise the state, the solution adopted is to eliminate the very individual who has a problem.
On a more elementary level, how does the state, represented by the militia, actually identify a naxalite (or a group, for that matter)? The simplest way out, and which has been in vogue for the past decade or so in states like chattisgarh is to dub anyone who is disgruntled as a threat. And from what the trends of the past few months depict, the threat is not to be kept behind bars anymore, it has to be liquidated.
The most juvenile idea behind the tactics being adopted, as propounded by P. Chidambaram is that the naxalites are a bigger threat than J&K terrorists. By that logic, if the government, even after adopting the most stringent military measures in the disputed state, has been unable to make any headway towards removing terrorism, how does it expect to tackle this ‘bigger threat’ within such a short time and with much a much lesser military force?
03 June 2009
reposted
one day has turned into another and am still at work, ragging of the worst kind, i remember the night when i was pretending to be asleep in a room during m first year in the hostel when my batch mates were suffering at the hands of some warped, fucked up guys. i could hear each and every word and could imagine what was going on, twas the one of the longest fucking nights of my life, another was the one we spent next to the corpses of three drowned guys from our institute in the middle of nowhere, waiting for help to arrive,
gettin suicidal tendencies, working 14 hrs a day for one week now, i'm missing those days when i could just vanish from the face of the earth when i didn;t feel up to it. just disappear when work was too taxing, but now, it aint possible, expectations, responsibilities. the two banes of happiness. i'm sick of life am going to kill myself if i find a painless way to do so, which is so fucking impossible, i'll be writing some such shit again one month from now, what a life
gettin suicidal tendencies, working 14 hrs a day for one week now, i'm missing those days when i could just vanish from the face of the earth when i didn;t feel up to it. just disappear when work was too taxing, but now, it aint possible, expectations, responsibilities. the two banes of happiness. i'm sick of life am going to kill myself if i find a painless way to do so, which is so fucking impossible, i'll be writing some such shit again one month from now, what a life
28 May 2009
truth?
These days, I often wonder if I can actually say I believe in something, with conviction. In Sri Lanka, whatever the media says and whatever had been happening for years now seems to indicate that the hard-nosed decimation of the tigers is an encouraging development. However, every now and then, you come across write-ups and exposes illustrating such horror and tragedy that you invariably start questioning the rationale behind such an act when it is likely to result in an even more tempestuous reprisal.
In chattisgarh, the national and international media, independent bodies, NGOs etc. reveal that the government is carrying out an unprecedented abuse of the tribal population. You enter the cities of chattisgarh, the media and the populace is all praise for the government for having rid them of the power problems, for establishing the state as an industrial power-house, and for taking the fight to the naxalites.
For them, the law-enforcer has to counter the tribal naxalites’ violence with violence and any accusation of excesses is either collateral or manufactured by the naxals. The media in the region is particularly in favor of the establishment, which is attributed by some to fear of the state and by others to true understanding of the ground situation, depending upon their political leanings.
The national media, and even the international media, seems to have a diametrically opposite view of the situation in the state. That the media is always looking for ways to find scapegoats and particularly to blame the establishment for all the ills is a well-known, the Mumbai blasts being a case-in-point.
We do know that the media’s credibility is questionable, but so is that of the government. Everyone knows how conveniently the state distorts the truth to suit itself. So, how do we get to know the ‘truth’? Not everyone can get into Vanni and Dantewada to see for oneself. Are we destined to live in the dark forever, occasionally blinded by some artificial flashes of artificial illumination?
In chattisgarh, the national and international media, independent bodies, NGOs etc. reveal that the government is carrying out an unprecedented abuse of the tribal population. You enter the cities of chattisgarh, the media and the populace is all praise for the government for having rid them of the power problems, for establishing the state as an industrial power-house, and for taking the fight to the naxalites.
For them, the law-enforcer has to counter the tribal naxalites’ violence with violence and any accusation of excesses is either collateral or manufactured by the naxals. The media in the region is particularly in favor of the establishment, which is attributed by some to fear of the state and by others to true understanding of the ground situation, depending upon their political leanings.
The national media, and even the international media, seems to have a diametrically opposite view of the situation in the state. That the media is always looking for ways to find scapegoats and particularly to blame the establishment for all the ills is a well-known, the Mumbai blasts being a case-in-point.
We do know that the media’s credibility is questionable, but so is that of the government. Everyone knows how conveniently the state distorts the truth to suit itself. So, how do we get to know the ‘truth’? Not everyone can get into Vanni and Dantewada to see for oneself. Are we destined to live in the dark forever, occasionally blinded by some artificial flashes of artificial illumination?
27 May 2009
the ipl trophy
Quite in consonance with the nature of the event, the trophy designed for the IPL also focuses more on the stars and the glitter rather than the basics, which is cricket. It is quite amazing that a trophy for a cricket tournament involving the world's greatest cricketers depicts the figurine of a batsman playing an impossible shot with an incorrect and absurd grip on the bat. In fact, its quite amazing how so many people managed to ignore this for two years, because its quite evident that a right-handed batsman playing a shot with his left hand being the bottom hand is quite out-of-the-question.
The bat swing is also so inane that its evident that the designer has absolutely no clue about cricket, just another one is the list of those involved in this amazing event.
03 October 2008
17 September 2008
its 10 in the night, not a soul in the office, and what an office, a beehive which has been sapped of the honey, white vapid cubicles, dead, lifeless walls, i, the only living being; what an irony
08 August 2008
Do read this, and think, you've nothing to lose
Chhattisgarh, which claims to the only power surplus state in the country, has been witnessing a bloody struggle for power for roughly three years now. The rest of the country doesn’t know about it, we all know Chhattisgarh as an emergent state rich in minerals and ores, covered with dense forests, and a prospective industrial hub. We get to know about Chhattisgarh only when the Times of India comes up with a survey placing Bhilai/Durg on the sixth spot among the fastest developing cities in the country. Those of us born and brought up in the affluence of Bhilai, feel great about the news and get on with our lives. Even when we were there we didn’t care about what was happening 150 kms away in the tribal regions. Indeed, it wouldn’t be fair to expect anyone to care. Naxalites, disillusioned tribals, needless violence, have all become a part of our daily lives.
But what’s been happening in Chhattisgarh since 2005 goes far beyond that. It is true that we should always take anti-state reporting and campaigning with a pinch of salt, as they are often exaggerated to the hilt and even fabricated at times, but the sequence of events, the credibility of the people involved, and the evident situation in the tribal areas do suggest that the districts of Bastar are weighed down by anarchy and bloodshed of an unprecedented magnitude, which shows no signs of abating.
Stray incidents of violence and unrest were commonplace in the area since the early 90s, even before the assassination of the leader of the Chhattisgarh Mukti Morcha, Shankar Guha Niyogi, in 1991. As has been the norm, the hired assassin was apprehended but is still awaiting the result of the trial and there is still no clue as to who hired him. The growth of the naxalite movement gained ground after the murder of the union leader and the callousness shown in nabbing the culprits.
The state of affairs in Bastar after the formation of Chhattisgarh in 2001 went from bad to worse. The people from the most backward district in the country were frequently displaced in the name of industrialization. Of course, industrialization does have benefits which eventually trickle down to the populace, but due to the inherent inefficiencies of the bureaucratic set-up, the tribals ended up without land, without livelihood and without hope. Sent into improvised camps and settlements, they had to confront atrocious living conditions and a sense of deracination.
Though the state probably meant well, the collective ire of the tribals fell at them, and the naxalites cashed upon it. Thus the strength of naxalites kept growing and the government, forced by the systemic inertia, did nothing to improve the tribals’ conditions, instead focusing on improving the state’s image to attract external investment.
With increasing violence, attacks on personnel, policemen, forces etc., there was a marked change in the state’s collective consciousness, evident in statements of police and government officials. The state developed an antagonism, and was intent on vendetta against the naxalites, who they started bracketing with the tribals.
That’s where it all started to go wrong, when the law enforcer cannot do its work dispassionately and carries pre-conceived notions; a situation like Hitler’s Germany is likely to arise. The state, incited by a few intense strikes by the naxalites, chose a course aimed at curbing violence which ended up escalating it beyond controllable proportions.
It formed a unit called Salwa Judum, which literally translates into ‘Purification Hunt’ and gave it the license to commit all crimes to eradicate the influence of naxalites from the tribal regions. An initial group of a few people, who were not from the armed forces but locals having a history of violence and crime, was sent out into the tribal areas to identify and terminate the naxalite sympathizers. To extend its power, a reward of 2 Lakhs was proposed for any tribal who wished to join the SJ, with the assurance that they could contravene the law. (The above is inferred from a recorded conversation from one of the meetings of Salwa Judum, where the SP of Bijapur is stating this to a group of tribals, noted from the Statesman)
As anyone with a sane mind can imagine, with the formation of this group in 2005, all hell broke loose in Chhattisgarh. Any and everybody who wanted to settle scores could easily do so and get paid for it. The remarkable disaster this policy turned out to be is evident from the official figures of casualties revealed by the state:
2003: Maoists: 74, Civilians: None
2004: Maoists 83, Civilians: None
Salva Judum formed in July 2005
2005-2006: Maoist: 65, Civilians: 243
First three months of 2007: Maoists: 42, Civilians: 226
And these are all official state figures, seeing which and with increasing criticism from the media and the people in general, the state distanced itself from the group. However, in 2005, at the formation of the SJ, the District Collector of Dantewada was present and he went on to attend almost all their meetings. So, the distancing was a bit too late. Maybe the state tried to reign in the SJ, but the war has reached such proportions that the SJ has become a bigger threat than the naxalites.
Besides all these repressions and thoughtless acts, the state also came up with a visibly dictatorial and unconstitutional act called Chhattisgarh Special Public Security Act in 2005. Under the auspices of this act, the state could detain anybody without bail for anti-state activities for an indefinite period pending trial/. Probably aware that the formation of the SJ would invite huge criticism and wrath, the state incarcerated all those who were likely to raise their voice and mobilize protests in the region. These included the pediatrician and member of PUCL, Dr. Binayak Sen, who was a close associate of Shankar Guha Niyogi, Praful Jha, a journalist, Ajay TG, a filmmaker and scores of others under fabricated charges. The most ridiculous charge was placed on Dr. Sen who was a frequent visitor to the prison in Raipur where he went to attend to an injured Naxalite. Consequently, he was charged with sedition. He has since been in jail pending trial.
Its imperative to attract attention towards the incarceration of the people who can communicate the people’s woes to the world. If they continue to be behind bars, the repression will continue and the country will remain unaware of the world of difference that exists between the lives of a tribal in Bastar and an executive living at Napean Sea Road. I don’t know what can be done, but there has to be something, the media is hungry for anti-establishment rhetoric and for projecting heroes. Here we have real heroes and they don’t even know about them.
But what’s been happening in Chhattisgarh since 2005 goes far beyond that. It is true that we should always take anti-state reporting and campaigning with a pinch of salt, as they are often exaggerated to the hilt and even fabricated at times, but the sequence of events, the credibility of the people involved, and the evident situation in the tribal areas do suggest that the districts of Bastar are weighed down by anarchy and bloodshed of an unprecedented magnitude, which shows no signs of abating.
Stray incidents of violence and unrest were commonplace in the area since the early 90s, even before the assassination of the leader of the Chhattisgarh Mukti Morcha, Shankar Guha Niyogi, in 1991. As has been the norm, the hired assassin was apprehended but is still awaiting the result of the trial and there is still no clue as to who hired him. The growth of the naxalite movement gained ground after the murder of the union leader and the callousness shown in nabbing the culprits.
The state of affairs in Bastar after the formation of Chhattisgarh in 2001 went from bad to worse. The people from the most backward district in the country were frequently displaced in the name of industrialization. Of course, industrialization does have benefits which eventually trickle down to the populace, but due to the inherent inefficiencies of the bureaucratic set-up, the tribals ended up without land, without livelihood and without hope. Sent into improvised camps and settlements, they had to confront atrocious living conditions and a sense of deracination.
Though the state probably meant well, the collective ire of the tribals fell at them, and the naxalites cashed upon it. Thus the strength of naxalites kept growing and the government, forced by the systemic inertia, did nothing to improve the tribals’ conditions, instead focusing on improving the state’s image to attract external investment.
With increasing violence, attacks on personnel, policemen, forces etc., there was a marked change in the state’s collective consciousness, evident in statements of police and government officials. The state developed an antagonism, and was intent on vendetta against the naxalites, who they started bracketing with the tribals.
That’s where it all started to go wrong, when the law enforcer cannot do its work dispassionately and carries pre-conceived notions; a situation like Hitler’s Germany is likely to arise. The state, incited by a few intense strikes by the naxalites, chose a course aimed at curbing violence which ended up escalating it beyond controllable proportions.
It formed a unit called Salwa Judum, which literally translates into ‘Purification Hunt’ and gave it the license to commit all crimes to eradicate the influence of naxalites from the tribal regions. An initial group of a few people, who were not from the armed forces but locals having a history of violence and crime, was sent out into the tribal areas to identify and terminate the naxalite sympathizers. To extend its power, a reward of 2 Lakhs was proposed for any tribal who wished to join the SJ, with the assurance that they could contravene the law. (The above is inferred from a recorded conversation from one of the meetings of Salwa Judum, where the SP of Bijapur is stating this to a group of tribals, noted from the Statesman)
As anyone with a sane mind can imagine, with the formation of this group in 2005, all hell broke loose in Chhattisgarh. Any and everybody who wanted to settle scores could easily do so and get paid for it. The remarkable disaster this policy turned out to be is evident from the official figures of casualties revealed by the state:
2003: Maoists: 74, Civilians: None
2004: Maoists 83, Civilians: None
Salva Judum formed in July 2005
2005-2006: Maoist: 65, Civilians: 243
First three months of 2007: Maoists: 42, Civilians: 226
And these are all official state figures, seeing which and with increasing criticism from the media and the people in general, the state distanced itself from the group. However, in 2005, at the formation of the SJ, the District Collector of Dantewada was present and he went on to attend almost all their meetings. So, the distancing was a bit too late. Maybe the state tried to reign in the SJ, but the war has reached such proportions that the SJ has become a bigger threat than the naxalites.
Besides all these repressions and thoughtless acts, the state also came up with a visibly dictatorial and unconstitutional act called Chhattisgarh Special Public Security Act in 2005. Under the auspices of this act, the state could detain anybody without bail for anti-state activities for an indefinite period pending trial/. Probably aware that the formation of the SJ would invite huge criticism and wrath, the state incarcerated all those who were likely to raise their voice and mobilize protests in the region. These included the pediatrician and member of PUCL, Dr. Binayak Sen, who was a close associate of Shankar Guha Niyogi, Praful Jha, a journalist, Ajay TG, a filmmaker and scores of others under fabricated charges. The most ridiculous charge was placed on Dr. Sen who was a frequent visitor to the prison in Raipur where he went to attend to an injured Naxalite. Consequently, he was charged with sedition. He has since been in jail pending trial.
Its imperative to attract attention towards the incarceration of the people who can communicate the people’s woes to the world. If they continue to be behind bars, the repression will continue and the country will remain unaware of the world of difference that exists between the lives of a tribal in Bastar and an executive living at Napean Sea Road. I don’t know what can be done, but there has to be something, the media is hungry for anti-establishment rhetoric and for projecting heroes. Here we have real heroes and they don’t even know about them.
15 May 2008
another lament
Passing by, there’s often the realisation of loss, of maybe this could have happened if this happened, or this could have happened if that hadn’t happened, but as that moment passes, each day takes the shape of a complete lifetime, and in a lifetime most of us have regrets, there are many who believe they don’t want to be like everyone else, but little do they realize that everyone else has the same notion at some point of time, we’re all convinced of our stand-out capabilities, but so is everyone else, we think someone will take notice of us standing apart, we don’t see the ones who are trying to stand apart so desperately themselves.
The only premise which works is existentialism, rest is philosophy.
The only premise which works is existentialism, rest is philosophy.
30 April 2008
deprival
Have lost the desire to write, or read a thing, to think without a purpose, to venture out without any intention, to while away time at a chai shop, to watch the people around me, to love, to hate to be passionate, to be angry, to be vociferous, to be silent, to be irritating, to be irritated, to be bothered, to bother someone, to enjoy on my own, to stay all alone, to know something new, to hear someone’s point of view, to realize that this has unwittingly turned into a verse, to appreciate that things can’t be much worse.
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